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How do I start a divorce if my abusive husband controls everything?

July 1, 2018

For those women who live in a home where their husbands are abusive and who also control all of the family assets and finances, it can be difficult for a wife to make the choice to leave and file for a divorce. It takes a tremendous amount of courage to take this first challenging step. In an abusive home scenario, wives need to be aware of the fact that announcing they are leaving and filing for divorce will often lead to sometimes unchecked rage in the husband. This can push some men over the edge into even acts of fatal violence, in particular if the wife finds it necessary to obtain a court-issued restraining order to control him.

For the next 24 hours after she obtains the restraining order, this is the most perilous time for an abused wife. There are men who believe that no one can issue a flimsy piece of paper that tells them what to do with their wives. This is why it is a good idea to request that the police drive by the house periodically once the restraining order has been issued. It might also be recommended to phone the area domestic abuse shelter to find out if she can live in one of their safe houses until the proverbial storm blows over.

Getting Help and Support at this Early Stage is Most Critical

It is crucial at this early stage for the un-empowered wives to obtain some significant support and help. If the case is that the wife and children are in physical danger by remaining in the home, then the woman should immediately call the area domestic violence shelter for a safe place to stay. Their expertise is in these matters, so they will aid the estranged wife in gaining control over her personal situation safely and securely. It is critical to remember that safety and security are the primary concerns at this early stage, particularly when there are children involved.

A second step should be to visit the family court and file some motions for support. A wife with children will not have difficulty obtaining orders for child support and spouse support from the court. Because the man is abusive, it will also be easy to obtain an order of child custody.

No attorney is needed for these steps that advance the case well down the path to either eventual separation or divorce. It only requires transportation to get to the family court. Women who have moved into the domestic abuse shelter will find that the shelter can help with important transportation needs like these.

It is also a solid idea early on to email or call family and friends and request that they come to pick the wife and the kids up. They might also assist with questions on legal options and actions against the abusive husband. If a woman comes to the realization that she and the kids are in mortal danger, she should immediately contact the police for help and not wait on family or friends to arrive.

The wife’s testimony is all of the necessary proof of this domestic abuse. It is also a good thing to obtain police reports, write a journal that documents every violent episode, and to take picture of the abuse victims after the violence ends. The more evidence she has against his reprehensible actions, the easier it will be to gain the court’s sympathy in subsequent divorce proceedings.

Emotional Abuse Is Also A Powerful Weapon of Violent Men

Not all abuse against women has to be physical violence. Many abusers employ emotional harm against their wives in order to control them via humiliation, degradation, and outright manipulation or brainwashing. Intimidation like this will effectively whittle away the self esteem and trust of the wife to the point that she feels her emotionally abusive husband really does no better than she does.

Emotional abuse is labelled a kind of domestic violence, and it does cripple the woman’s capability of acting and thinking independently. Divorce may be the best choice in horrible situations like these, yet this is never an easy first step to take for the victim. She knows all too well that her emotional abuser simply will not let go willingly and easily.

This is why it needs a brave woman to get assistance from outside in order to break free of even only emotional abuse. Once a wife admits that she is being badly misused by her husband, the real challenge begins. Ending the marriage is at least half of the battle. The abusing husband is energized by controlling and dominating his wife, so he will do whatever it takes to reclaim his ebbing power over her at this stage.

Suggestions for Breaking Free From A Controlling Husband Through Divorce

Becoming empowered is not just a feminist concept. It is the strongest defense for an abused and controlled woman to pursue. It often requires clinical help from psychologists and psychotherapists to work up to this point though. They will aid the wife in uncovering and realizing the horrible truth in her desperate home and marriage situation.

A dependable counselor can similarly teach the victim self-help methods for thinking independently. Such sessions held on a weekly or frequent basis will empower the wife so that she can begin to break free of the controlling situation. They will teach her to never be dominated or emotionally abused by another man again.

The practical next step is to bring in local police if necessary. They are on call to aid women in domestic abuse situations. A woman should research her local and state statutes on getting restraining orders issued and enforced. Some states will issue these based on a woman’s sworn testimony that she lives in fear for her own safety (or that of her kids).

It is important to be both honest and completely open with the police and the court officials. They need to believe the woman is sincere in her desire to escape from her situation and bad husband. They will also make suggestions for an advocate of domestic violence victims and provide direction for other helpful resources in breaking free from domestic or emotional abuse at home.

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